I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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