You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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