i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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