next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
