one word: firstdatebathroomanal
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
