Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
