if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
