Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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