at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize