I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
