I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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