Yo dont text me then not text me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
