Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
