I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
