i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
