So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
