I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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