I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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