stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
