well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Someone signed my nipple.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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