Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
