I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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