well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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