When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
