Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
