im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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