my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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