Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Drunk is not a location!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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