It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
