I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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