I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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