That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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