weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
nutella sex= disaster
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
tell me about the fingering
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
