I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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