I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
