Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
