if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
