Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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