somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
