ugly people sure do ruin things
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
And then he peed in my hair
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