I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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