I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
