she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize