Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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