with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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