No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
