Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
