WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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