We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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