Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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