the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
