where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
