i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
