now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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