omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
