There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
