Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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