try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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