i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
