brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
