and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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