i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Found the puke drawer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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